Here is a just a glimpse of the rewards and monies that have graced me this year. Already in the inbox of my email account, Mr. Smith of the UK has notified me that I inherited 950,000 pounds. I am also the proud recipient of the coca cola (lower case spelling in the email and announcement by the way) 2013 lottery. I won 800,000 bucks on that one. I forwarded two email chains so in 5 days I can expect a great treasure and in 7 days something wonderfully unexpected will happen. Here’s fingers crossed for those two. Let’s see. That Nigerian Prince has stopped emailing me, so there goes those funds. Damn. But I do have some very lucrative dog food, oil change, and home security coupons. Oh, and if I could only bring myself to download the file from the ‘FBI Untied States Department’ I could get the 8.5million that I am the beneficiary. I’m sure it’s not a scam to download some nasty virus onto my computer, right? Who would think of doing something like that?
I think education is in my near future as well seeing as how I too can become successful as an Ultrasound Technician, an RN, or a secret shopper. All of them promise a fruitful career path within 4-8 weeks.
Money seems to be a big theme for me this year as Payday loans and credit card offers are abundant. I have a plethora of sites that are begging me to visit them and receive up to $1000. No credit and bad credit are welcome. I could get money in my bank account within seconds. If that isn’t my cup of tea, I suppose I could just apply for one of the generic credit cards that are offering 0%APR. The funny thing about those is that I can’t really figure out the company that the card is through. I just have to fill out the application and click ‘submit’ though and someone will get back to me within 7-10 business days. So helpful and hassle free, isn’t it? I didn’t even know I needed a payday load or a credit card.
This must be my year for meeting new people. Each day I am bombarded with the chance to meet folks in my area. All sorts of people. The Match.com people want me to join them, but so does the Indian Dating site, the Asian dating site, Christian Mingle, J Date and not to leave out the ever persistent ‘Meet Seniors in your area now!’ requests. I am not sure why I need to meet so many folks when I’m already married, but hey, a girl can’t have too many friends, right? The only daunting thought is filling out all those profile forms.
I don’t know what little birdie told on me, but my invention’s time has arrived. Finally the handheld power duster will have its day in the sun. The folks at Invent-a-thing have asked if I have an invention or product idea. According to the CEO, They “Help people discover the potential in their ideas.” That’s just great, don’t you think? The faces of the inventors they included pictures of have such perfect teeth and happy smiles. I don’t think it means anything that the pictures used are curiously similar to pictures I used once when I was working for a company and had to make a flyer and ended up using clip art smiling happy people. That’s just a coincidence. Those folks must have been models on the side while they were trying to get their inventions off the ground. Good for them, it looks like they finally found success.
Did you know that the Canadians are just giving drugs away for 95% off the retail value? And they are bringing them right to our doorstep. The ad only mentions Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra and granted those are erectile dysfunction pills. But hey, 95% off is 95% off. I ran across Christmas decorations that were 90% off this year and I went crazy buying 30¢ presents for next year.
Also, my weight loss challenges are going to be a thing of the past as I can now lose weight with Saffron Slim. It is going to literally ‘melt the fat away naturally’. According to the email it has been created to fit my frantic lifestyle & severe schedule. I don’t have to deal with complex meal plans & long exercise routines. So there’s that. And if that doesn’t work, I am going to try Raspberry Ketone. I don’t know what that stuff does, but according to the email, it melt’s the fat away naturally as well. Both of them are 100% guaranteed.*
*I’m sure the symbol is a glitch as in the advertisement. Who would lie about the latest and greatest super weight loss pills?
I do hope your new year is shaping up as promising as mine. Oh look, two new emails! Mr. Ming Mui has just informed me of 4.8million I am the beneficiary to and I might be eligible for a VA loan! Oh glorious inbox!